you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
