And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
