Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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