Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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