I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If I die, sorry about rent.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
