YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
