I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
