Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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