Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
