im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
two words...techno handjob
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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