I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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