it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
