How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you didnt know i had herpes?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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