If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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