Me. At least after what I've been through.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
