You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
