Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
