Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
