i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
