I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
