when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
