I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
