you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
