I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
