is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
