after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
