We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
