The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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