you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
