She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
