we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
