I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Acid is not a monday night drug
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
