using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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