I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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