So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
