the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
