I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
