Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
