So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
