he puts the penis in happiness.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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