That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
