I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
