By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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