I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
