ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
