So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
