I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
