The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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