accomplished twins. life is a go
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
