Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
