Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
