u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
