the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it glows. i had to have it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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